The best source of human motivation is Suffering. About the weak motivation of people from normal families. Differences in sources of motivation and the danger of the dark source.
Try to look at yourself and your environment through the prism of these observations from your personal life.
Suffering as a source of motivation
Suffering as a source of motivation
Many of my acquaintances with a calm, normal childhood, in which, on the whole, everything was fine, and they remain in their normal childhood.
They grew up physically, but mentally they remained children. We stopped believing in Det Moroz and the black cat crossing the road. But they remain faithful to superstitions: the state will arrange everything, it will raise the salary; life will get better, it’s worth the wait.
Their parents did not scold them and did not force them to plough a lot around the house. A bright and not stressful childhood.
The more I develop, the more I meet people who, on the contrary, despite a tough childhood, have achieved a tremendous improvement in their lives. There are not even just more of them, but almost all of them have a tough childhood, often with a decent share of mental anguish.
Their pillow absorbed litres of tears from their childhood experiences. Often, this suffering was chronic: harsh parents, poverty, ridicule at school, the physical difference from peers, the absence of a parent, or an angry grandmother giving peace.
This pain was constantly accompanying, and they could not get rid of it but dreamed of how one day it would become easier to live. They dreamed “about the impossible”, about what was beyond their strength at the moment of dreaming.
They created the foundation for future achievements – the belief that if you really want to work hard, have the patience for years, you can achieve the most cherished goals.
If we reduce all our aspirations to desires – to avoid suffering and get pleasure – then the source of motivation for people with a dark past is visible. Avoiding suffering is the primary motive.
Experiencing another sense of injustice, when all the children are walking, playing and fooling around on the street, and you plough in the garden all day. At such moments, a dream hardens in my head: “When I grow up, I will live the way I want. Nobody will force me to work.”
Or when your parents fight and you get “no way”, it’s hard not to dream of the day when you will live away from this hell. Getting a profession, making money, renting an apartment – an entire group of difficult goals. They don’t need any books on self-development in order to find these goals in themselves. You need not study time management, the goal is so clear and the desire to achieve is burning that planning can only get in the way.
We can say that they rather pushed in the back by the experienced suffering than attracted to a vision of a bright future.
If you had a dark past, but it does not make you angry and does not undermine you for change, you may have reconciled and surrendered. And you suppressed anger and feelings of injustice.
People with a “normal” childhood, from my environment, have not much changed. It is good if at least they did not lag the times.
Most are from “normal” families, where everything seemed to go smoothly. These families did not have a difficult emotional or financial situation. In this case, many children do not receive those qualities that people with a dark past “bring up” in themselves.
They lack the experience of outstanding achievement, the embodiment of a cherished dream. Therefore, they may not even dream. And if you dream, then don’t act.
In order to somehow warm-up your desires. Go to motivational coaches, read motivational books,
and be charged with faith in yourself.
Their major motivation is to keep their “good”. They are really doing well. They see a bright future as a slight improvement in the current situation, for example: buying a new phone, the latest tablet, or a newer car. The little that they lack for complete happiness.
“Light” and “dark” do not understand why they do not strive for anything, why their ambitions are so low.
With this source of “normal” motivation, they have to learn to work hard to achieve meaningful goals. It is unnecessary to work 10-12 hours a day, but even adding 2 hours of work a day is already a tremendous burden.
Lucky ones! Nothing hurts, but they dream of great things and act decisively. They have a big goal, an image of the desired bright future, towards which they strive. Their source of motivation is the bright image of a dream.
I don’t know what kind of childhood they had. Probably these are those who are accustomed to ploughing from childhood: to attend many circles, sports sections, creative studios. In general, everything where their parents put them. Maybe they did not suffer as much as people with a dark past, but to plough, overcome themselves – they got used to it and fell in love.
I think people with a dark past come to the source of “light” motivation after they achieve their goal, they stop and understand “finally! It doesn’t seem to hurt anymore. What’s next?” They can take time to think and create already bright motivation for themselves. Before that, they fled from the burdens of the past. They knew what they “didn’t want.” And they could not think about what they “want”.
What is Source of Motivation driving you?
What is the source of your current aspirations?
- Dark past – you are running from those painful emotions that abandoned in childhood.
You will soon get rid of them or have already done so. You have achieved your goal, but you have accumulated a huge load of heavy emotions that are waiting for you to release them. Having stopped, you can realize that some area of your life, deprived of attention.
- Bright future – you know what you want to achieve.
You are striving to realize a big idea, or you have created the image of the ideal life that you aspire to. What a fine fellow you are! Enjoy the process!
If you consider yourself lazy, then perhaps you have not yet discovered your source of motivation (books on self-development will help).
I noticed that the hardest thing to overcome is those who did not suffer in childhood, or who did not have to plough. People from “normal” families. To achieve their dreams, they need to not only dream well but also learn to work.
Not so simple. Often, siblings, growing up in equally hard conditions, are completely different in their motivation.
Maybe one of them makes a firm decision – “I will grow up – I will live better. ” And the second – aside, he sees nothing heavy, internally suppressed feelings of pain, resentment and injustice. Although, according to the examples I saw, the “side” – comes out sideways.
A dark past can be a powerful motivator. But the pain will go nowhere, it needs to be released.
Discover your light motivation! It doesn’t hurt.